I’m a geek, I admit it. My favourite film is RoboCop, or perhaps My Dinner with Andre. I’m not your typical geek though - technology is the bane of my existence, and as a filmmaker/student, I have to put up with it pretty often. It’s not that I hate technology, more that it hates me. I think if I’d have been Dave in “2001: A Space Odyssey”, HAL would’ve attempted to kill me much, much sooner. Although, to think of it, a homicidal computer would be pretty cool, and it’s happened to me before.
I’m not even joking, a computer has tried to kill me on more than one occasion. Episode 1: It was year 7, or grade 7 if you’re American. 2004 to be exact. I was doing work in the library, and I had gotten up to go to the printer. When I got there the printer was out of paper, although this being 2004 it was probably on a giant roll that took 18 very skilled Chinese workers to lift into place. Anyway, I’m getting away from my point - so I put paper into the printer, and my hand gets stuck! It was clearly trying to kill me! I hadn’t seen it happen before, and I haven’t seen it happen since - suspicious.
Episode 2 was even more recent. I take you to my bedroom, but be careful not to touch anything. It was April 2011, my computer monitor had been making noises for days, though I just put it down to age. I’d ordered a new one anyway just to be safe, but I was watching a film and all of a sudden, it EXPLODED! An actual explosion. If it was a scene in the A-Team, little people would’ve climbed out of the explosion, because it was so magnificent. I was watching Batman Begins at the time, which probably explains the reason the screen exploded - because it was so bad!
I survived both of these events, but I’m expecting technology to strike again soon when a T-800 comes from the future to try to kill me and stop me from becoming the leader of the resistance against Skynet. Hang on, that all sounds very familiar. James Cameron, you ripped me off, you free-loading, hippie-loving, smurf-stealing bastard!